Porphyria's Lover
by Klowag
Summary: One twin is ill and the other helps to care for his needs. Trouble reaches them when they turn 17.


Disclaimer: I do not own Ouran High School Host Club or its characters.

Okay, so this story was meant as a birthday present for Lazuri way back in November. But due to unknown reasons (school and laziness)...okay, for known reasons, I wasn't able to finish it in time. I want to thank her for being such an amazing friend and for being so patient. It's not really a happy story which defeats the purpose of it being a birthday present (You should smile at your presents...you shouldn't smile at this story) but it's the best that I could give her. Ooh, and a nice fluffy pillow pet. HAPPY LATE LATE LATE BIRTHDAY LAZURI!

Warnings: Contains yaoi, some cursing and violence. You have been warned.

* * *

"I'm sorry, but your son has cutaneous porphyria. He is severely ill," the doctor said to us. I was in the hallway of a hospital with Mommy and Daddy. My twin was inside the room behind the doctor.

"What's that?" I asked. It can't be good. The name alone isn't something you hear everyday. But I was 5-years-old so what do I know? Still, what was cuta-ness whatever it was? Mommy began to cry and Daddy hugged her, holding back his own tears. I asked again, "What's that?"

"Cutaneous porphyria," the doctor answered. He momentarily smiled at me but it quickly faded away once he looked at my parents. "He has developed severe photosensitivity. Basically, he cannot go out in the sun. If he does, he will have an allergic reaction and may die of sun poisoning. Wearing hats, long sleeved shirts, pants, scarves, gloves and sunscreen may reduce the risk but there is no guarantee. If you want I can..." The rest of the doctor's words were a blur to me. I ignored him and went into the room.

There he was, asleep in the bed that was too big for him. "Hey, wake up." I nudged him. He groaned and rubbed his eyes. Slowly he opened them.

"What? I was having a nice dream and you ruined it," he whined.

"Oh, I'm sorry. What were you dreaming about?" I climbed onto the bed and sat next to him.

"Well, we were at the beach together. We were playing with other kids and laughing. There was a blond boy who was really obnoxious and loud. Whenever he felt stupid or unloved, he would go under the umbrella and hug his knees. He was really silly." My brother laughed and I laughed along with him. I wonder if I should tell him that he can't go outside anymore?

"Haha, that's a weird person. Who else was there?

"There was another boy with glasses. He looked scary but he was so smart. The rest of the kids crowded around him to listen to his stories."

"I bet that person has lots of friends that he can always ask favors for. More. Who else?"

"Let me see. Oh, there was a tall kid. He was quiet but he had a friend who was always smiling and carried a bunny with him. He says he loves cake too! I wish I had some cake right now." He grabbed his stomach and I did the same.

"Cake," I sighed. But I wanted to hear more of his dream. "Those two must be best friends like you and me." We held each other's hands and gave a determined nod. "Wait a minute, are there any girls in your dream?"

When I said this, my brother stared off at the distance. "Yeah, there was one girl. She looked like a boy but I guess you can say that she was too pretty to be a boy. She loved food so much. I wish we could meet her and make her our sister. That would be wonderful."

I got a little jealous. "Hey, I want to see her too!"

He giggled. "Well, then come on. Get under the covers and sleep with me." I did as he said and we faced each other. We hugged each other like we always do when we sleep. He stared at me before he said, "Before I slept, I heard the doctor say that I can't go outside anymore. Is that true? Is that why I can hear Mommy crying outside?"

I nodded. "But you know what? You have me. I'll stay with you in the house so that you won't get lonely and then we can play together. Won't that be fun?"

"Yeah, and then we won't have to go to school anymore. Not going outside sounds more fun than I thought it would be." He slurred his last few words, sleep catching up to him. I stayed there for a moment, holding him and staring at him. Then I closed my eyes and got to dream about the kids he was talking about.

Well, he was wrong. Our parents enrolled us to Ouran Academy. The doctor said that it catered to every whim of every student and it was perfect for my brother. Besides school, our lives were completely different from other children's.

At age 6, our friends went to Hawaii for the summer. We stayed in our mansion and made our own beach complete with real sand.

At age 7, other boys thought girls had cooties and girls thought boys had cooties. We thought of harmless tricks to play on both the boys and girls of our class.

At age 8, our class went to the zoo for a field trip. We watched birds from our window at night and we would throw rocks at them whenever we felt like it.

At age 9, the boys began to like the girls and the girls began to like the boys. We kept to ourselves, knowing that they would never understand us.

At age 10, sports became a big deal to the boys while looks meant a lot to the girls. We easily became bored of things and quickly dismissed them once we did, including people.

At age 11, people were talking behind our backs about how we have become secluded. We ignored them and began to read various books.

At age 12, our class once again decided to go to the zoo. We stayed behind but began to treat our classmates like lowly animals when they returned.

At age 13, there was a dance at school and everyone can pick a date to bring with them. We locked ourselves in our rooms and began to gain interest in the world of fashion.

At age 14, people had "boyfriends" and "girlfriends". We secretly longed for those thing but knew that we can only depend on each other.

At age 15, the girls fell in love with the new transfer student. We didn't bother with him because no one else was worth our time at this point.

At age 16, the students at Ouran made a new friend from our class. We felt betrayed that they would choose him over us.

At age 17, everyone went along merrily with there lives. We decided it was best to end ours.

It was my brother's idea that we end everything. I, on the other hand, didn't agree with it but I understood why he would want to do that.

He was tired of living a sheltered life. He had to avoid windows when inside any building during the day at the risk of being exposed to sun. He could not even run around just outside the door of our own home. When he did get the chance to go out, he needed to be covered from head to toe and I'm sure he sweated a lot in them no matter what season it was. His life was torture and it was too much to bear.

For twelve years he would put on a fake smile just for me so that I wouldn't worry. I eventually learned about it and made him promise to only smile when he was truly cheerful. He didn't listen to me. His feigned happiness only brought sadness into my life. But for him, I also had to pretend that I was enjoying life even though I was forced to watch my brother suffer.

Our entire lives were nothing more than just a simple game of pretend: pretend to be happy; pretend that life is worth living; pretend that everything will be alright.

But it wouldn't be alright.

I made the choice a long time ago to keep him company all the time so he wouldn't feel lonely. I went wherever he went and stayed away from places where he couldn't go. I sacrificed a normal life for him and frankly I prefer this than having what most kids have…most of the time.

We were on our bed sharing a book when he finally closes it and throws it away. I looked at him curiously then went to go pick it up. I placed it on a table and went back to bed. Suddenly he clung onto me like there was no tomorrow, a fistful of my shirt in his hands, his head faced down and against my chest. I was surprised by this so I gently rubbed his back and his head.

"What's wrong?" I asked quietly.

"I want to end it," he said in a low, cold voice

"End what? Books need to be read in order to be finished." I pulled him slightly away from me so that I could see his face which was already wet from tears.

"My life." His voice was stronger this time but I could tell he was afraid. He rested his head back against my chest and whispered, "I love you."

"I know. I love you too." I smiled to myself, knowing what this was leading up to.

"No. I mean, I really love you…more than a brother."

"I know because I love you too more than a brother." I held him tighter and smiled more at my correct expectations. I looked at the curtains and realized by the faint orange light that it was getting dark. He didn't even move a muscle from my response which surprised me a bit.

"Then why didn't you say or do anything?" Anger was beginning to emanate from him and I was beginning to feel confused.

"Well, I just wanted you to be comfortable enough and ready when you told me." His arms pushed me away and his eyes looked at me with disgust.

"Why is it always me? Is it because I'm the sick one? Do you feel burdened by the fact that you always have to be with me? You never decide anything for yourself unless it has something to do with me. Why couldn't you, just this once, do something because you wanted to and not because I wanted to?

I stared at him in disbelief. The words he spat out stung…no…stabbed me in all the wrong places.

"Why can't you be grateful that I'm spending time with you on my own will? Not many people would do that you know." I got off the bed and paced our room, beginning to feel frustrated at him.

"Oh sorry. Here, have an applause." He clapped for me and shook his head. "For being the best brother in the world. For being a martyr." I turned around to glare at him and I badly wanted to just pull open the curtains and make him suffer for his mockery. "And how could you just ignore what I said before: ..MYSELF." Each word was annunciated to the point of exaggeration.

"Look, I understand that your life isn't the best one but that doesn't mean killing yourself would fix everything. If people killed themselves every time something bothered them, there wouldn't be anyone left in this world." I returned to the bed and looked straight into his eyes.

Quietly, yet forcefully, he said, "You want it too, don't you? You're finished with taking care of me and you're willing to do anything to just stop. Well, I'm giving you that opportunity right now." He grabbed my hands and gripped them so tightly that it was hurting me. "What do you say?"

This time I pushed him off. "You're fucking crazy. Stop declaring what I want and don't want." I glared at him, ready to punch him at any moment.

"Don't deny it!" He yelled out.

I couldn't keep it in any longer. This burden in my heart: I had to release it. "Fine, you're right. I get tired of being with you all the time. But don't you think I also enjoy it most of the time?"

His face dropped and he looked away, defeated. I felt the guilt from my words attack me. It was as if I shattered his only peace in life and broke him. I was the one who made him feel wanted and loved and I just destroyed it with a few simple words. My words echoed in my ears and my mind as I wondered, "Is this guilty burden any better than my previous one?" At least before, he was content with being with me. Now, I took away his reason for living. He wanted me to stand my ground and prove to him that he was wrong: that I do like being with him all the time. But I failed his expectations.

"I'm only human." I placed a hand on his shoulder. "There may be times that I wanted things to be over but I still chose to stay with you didn't I?" I whispered these words into his ear, hoping that it would bring some resolve back to his heart.

"You could have lived a normal life when you had the chance and you still can now. Why don't you? Why be stubborn and waste your time on me?" He said in a monotone voice.

"I'm not wasting time when I'm with you. I'm trying to help you!" I raised my voice by accident and I could tell that it rubbed him the wrong way.

"So I'm just charity work? Look, what do you want to do the most that doesn't involve me?" He turned his back on me and flopped down on the bed. He was acting like a little kid.

I was about to scream out an answer but realized that I didn't have one. I was stunned and he looked at me with piercing, burning eyes.

"See? You've been so busy catering to my wants and needs that you don't even know yours anymore." He placed his head back down on the bed and quietly said. "It's worse than simply being normal twins. We may have isolated ourselves either way but you would at least have had a life.

What to say? Fragments of sentences formed in my head before they would disappear in a cloud of doubt and confusion. But actions speak louder than words anyway. I lay down beside him and immediately he turned his head away from me. With a sigh, I wrap my arms around him for it was the only thing I could think of. One sentence completely formed at last. "I want to be with you."

He broke free from my embrace in a rush. What does he want from me? "Your answer still involves me!" He yelled out as he sat up. "Something that you wanted that has absolutely nothing to do with me! Anything?" His voice was half angry and half begging. Have these thoughts been running through his mind the entire time. Either way, they're causing me to lose my temper again.

"Listen, just shut up and think about this. I'm tired of going back and forth with you This is getting us nowhere." He glared at me and I glared back. With all this tension I couldn't help but feel a bit aroused. Wait, what? Not at a time like this. He felt the same way too for a faint blush appeared on his cheeks and mine followed as well. Unexpectedly, I pushed him down against the bed and kissed him, releasing all my anger and frustration at him.

"Hey…What are….S-Stop….S-St…" He protested and fought back, causing me to pull away from him. His eyes closed in rage as he said quietly, "I hate you." This time, he quickly rose up and pinned me down just as fast. He crashed our lips together. I hated this…but loved it…I loved him. He hated this…but loved it…He loved me.

Our bodies quickly heated up, not from the kiss but more so from the anger. His free hand roamed all over my body and I couldn't help but moan. Not a single emotion changed within him nor within me. I pushed with my body so that we were both sitting on the bed, lips still in contact, tongues battling for dominance.

I pulled back for air. "Look, I don't know what's…"

"Shut up! No talking." He pushed me back down and tried to pull my clothes off of me.

"Damn it, what are you…" I tried to protest. I tried to push him off but his desire to be with me was greater than my reluctance.

"I said shut up!" He was able to rip my shirt off and pull my pants down with my underwear but not without a fight from me. I've been naked with him before but not in this kind of situation. I blushed which only made me angrier that I'm actually enjoying this.

His hand began to quickly and roughly pump me, eliciting moans out of my mouth. I quickly swiped his hand away and pushed him off. Instantly, I was on top of him taking his clothes off. He fought back less than I did which I guess meant that he wanted this and wasn't afraid to admit it. His length was hard as well, and once he was naked I gave him quick and rough strokes to hear moans that sounded like mine but seconds ago. I kissed him again as our hands roamed each other's bodies. We rolled a bit around the bed as we both tried to dominate the other but in the end I was against the mattress.

He pulled my legs over his shoulders, spreading me as much as possible, and I knew what would come next. I was about to protest, my eyes wide with fear, but he placed a hand against my mouth, muffling whatever sounds I tried to yell out. My hands would have tried to push him off but my desire to be with him overcame my fear of the extreme pain that I was about to experience. Shutting myself up, I stopped yelling which caused a smirk to appear on his face. He may want to hurt me but I knew that he wouldn't. We were just twins who had a huge fight and wanted to let off some steam.

It didn't take long for him to push his tip inside of me and I screamed in pain. I should've been prepared first or at least lubrication should've been used but we would've gotten impatient. So I had to endure the…pain! He pushed all the way inside of me. It felt really tight and I couldn't breathe. My face emitted out expressions of unbearable suffering and I could feel him throbbing inside of me. He realized what he had done and didn't move, letting me adjust and stretch. Barely a minute passed when I nodded to him, although I was sure I wasn't ready.

He pulled back and roughly pushed back inside. I cried out in pain, tears swelling in my eyes, making me hate how I'm letting him use me. He pressed on, thrusting deeply into me and me reciprocating with a yell or a whimper. It was like that for a while until he hit something inside of me, making me arch my back in pain that now transformed into pleasure. That was the only place he aimed for now. Coupled with the fact that I've been stretched and he began to easily slide inside me, I was enjoying this more than I should.

Unexpectedly, he lifted me up and held me against him. He moved his hips as he tried to move me up and down. So close…I was so close. I tightly wrapped my arms around him, crying out as I climaxed all over our chests. Not long after did I feel him release inside of me, the hot liquid slowly trickling out as he pulled out of me. I collapsed back against the bed, him to my side against his chest.

Tears still stained my cheeks from the pain but I couldn't read anything from his facial expression. It was as if he poured out all his emotions into me in that one release and had nothing left for himself to feel. The things that we shared in common at the moment were the panting, the sweat, and the depressing fact that still remained: that he wanted to end his life…and so did I.

"Are you alright?" I asked, afraid of what he might say. He looked at me. Empty, soulless eyes began to gather tears as he was brought back to life.

"I'm…sorry," he meekly said. He didn't touch me, but I lay a gentle finger on his cheek, making him slightly cringe. "Do you hate me?"

"Of course I don't." I removed my finger and replaced it with my hand, warm against his cheek.

"Would you want to die with me if I still wanted to?"

Silence…

"Yes…I would."

As if reading each other's minds, we got up and headed for the shower. No words were uttered but we laughed as we cleaned each other off, having an especially difficult time with his seed inside me. Afterward, we looked for something nice to wear, nodding or shaking our heads to indicate what we thought, until we finally decided on white tuxedos. He dressed me up and I dressed him up in return until it was finally time. We stood at our door, wondering how we were going to go about doing this.

The first words were finally spoken, although I wasn't quite sure who said it.

"I love you, Kaoru."

The other stared then smiled.

"I love you, Hikaru."

We smiled and held each other's hand. Out the door we went, ready to end our sufferings. I would describe what we did, but why ruin it? Could we have been slow and gentle? Could we have been brutal and bloody? None of that mattered. What remained though:

No one was suffering from a disease. No one was suffering from burden.

We were merely together.

* * *

Some story huh? Well, I purposefully left their identities obscure. And if you must know, Porphyria's Lover is inspired by actual poem of the same name. I suggest you read it as it is a highly arguable piece of poetry, hence the ambiguous twins here. Anyway, I don't know when I'll be continuing on I Promise, especially considering that I have another idea in my mind that I REALLY want to write, that among a few other working ideas. So, Happy Birthday Lazuri! Hope you like this!


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